Whoops, again. I don't know how it is that I enjoy writing about myself so much yet always forget this blog exists.
My life has been pretty crazy this past year. A lot of unexpected things have happened.
I did end up going to beauty school. It was an impulse decision, and it was fun at first, and halfway through I would wake up some mornings and legitimately feel like I was physically incapable of getting out of bed. By the end of it I felt like I was crawling to the finish line any second from passing out. It was horrible. The day after I was done I slept the entire day and the day after that.
I decided not to get my license, because I had become so disillusioned with the profession that I didn't even want to think about blow drying hair and forcing conversation with strangers for several hours at a time. I know myself, and I know that I will never be happy doing this for the rest of my life. But, I have a shit ton of loans I have to pay now so I'm working at a crafts store full-time until I feel stable enough to go back to school.
In terms of my love life, me and Justin did make it pretty far. We were actually very very serious about each other (I mean, who really knows I guess) and we discussed our future often. However, HIS life got turned topsy-turvy and I think he took it out on me. He was pretty much rejected by over a hundred job applications (to simplify med school a bit) and basically has to wait another year before he can apply again. While this was happening we were both stressed out because it was going to change a lot of things about our relationship, not just location. We talked about me relocating and all that, which now seems like it would've been a horrible impulse decision.
A few weeks after it was made clear he didn't have a job, he broke up with me via text and included a myriad of reasons including Ohio, Judge Judy, and what I suspect was some extremely internalized classism. You know me, I'm just a poor girl from the Bronx, who did I think I was, dating a doctor???
Anyways, it hurt a lot and he eventually apologized kinda. Then we started talking again because I was just getting started on my summer glo' up and he was like, "damn...she's fine as hell" or whatever. Then it fell apart again and he basically repeated the same thing he told me the first time, just in a slightly nicer way. We decided to go no-contact forever, which was and still is difficult.
I slipped on the no-contact rule a few times. The first time I just wanted to hear his voice, honestly. I texted him and asked him for some career/school advice, and we spoke for about an hour. He seemed to really be opening up to me, and even confided in me about some family problems he was having, and I was glad that he was still as comfortable talking to me as ever. After that he told me he'd call me back but he never did. I tried to rekindle our conversation by sending him interesting or funny links on facebook/through text but he pretty much ignored them all. I finally learned my lesson and stopped embarrassing myself, although I'm secretly hoping that he stopped talking to me because he knows he'd want to get back together if we kept it up, and having any attachments is extremely impractical for him, considering he doesn't even know where he's going to be living a year from now.
Then, another impulse decision (I obviously love impulse decisions): I applied for an MTV room makeover show, and they actually really liked me and contacted me the next day, and started filming 3 weeks after that. Honestly the show will be a bit embarrassing for me so I'm not sure if I'm really going to advertise it anywhere, but it was an amazing experience. I got really close with the producers and I actually really miss them.
I had to email Justin about it because they were going to use a picture of us for my "backstory" and I let him know he was going to receive an email asking if they could show his face. The only thing he said when he responded was if he was going to get reimbursed for it. Sigh.
It's so difficult trying to move on from a relationship that not only lasted over a year, but also brought out a side of you you never knew existed. I'm a cold bitch and with him I was the biggest pile of mush in the world. It was great while it lasted, I just wish the ending hadn't come with a genuine and profound show of spitefulness. It was a piercing venom I'll always remember.
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