Sometimes we think that if we meet someone who is amazing that the only way you'll stop talking to each other is if something happens. Sometimes Nothing happens, and that's worse. But I've accepted that it's just something that happens and I am not upset about it at all.
One moment you're talking all the time, every opportunity you get, because you just get each other. The next moment you haven't bothered to say hi in two weeks. And the worst part is you don't mind.
People are always coming and going, and when someone new comes into your life you have to give someone else up. I don't believe this, or maybe I do, but that's just the way it happens. You spend your efforts on one person but when someone new comes along you spend less time thinking about that person.
That's kind of what has happened with Guy #1. If you can remember, I loved this guy. We had tons in common and had fun together whenever we hung out. I was even extremely upset when he told me he couldn't be more than friends. I was heartbroken. But I had a feeling it was for the best, and I was right. It's funny the way things work out.
I feel like I'm being kind of erratic because there are so many thoughts running through my mind.
Whenever I meet someone new that I really like, someone else becomes obsolete. But by accident.
Like I said, Nothing happens.
After a while, when you speak again, you realize you have nothing to say, really. You just talk about what you've been doing since you last spoke, which has no bearing on anything else. I fill you in on what's been happening with me, you do the same, and then what?
I don't want to make plans because it doesn't seem necessary anymore. We don't need to see each other regularly to maintain our relationship because it's transformed to something that used to be. Something full of good memories and fun times and I don't see the point in trying to recreate those moments anymore.
That's all everything is, isn't it? Trying to recreate good memories?
So while we say to each other, "Maybe we can watch more of this, we did that before and it was fun."
"Maybe we can go to that place you liked to eat at."
"Maybe we can go to a show, I said I'd take you to one."
We try to make it feel like old times, to start again where we left off, but it doesn't work that way.
Once Nothing happens, you realize how irrelevant we are, as two people talking to each other. There is no need.
Guy #4 is really growing on me. He is the reason for my indifference towards Guy #1. And Guy #3. Me and Guy #2 still talk to each other.
Guy #2 was someone that I wanted to constantly impress. I wanted him to be proud of me and think, "this girl is worth something." I got jealous when he spoke about his main interest because that's who I wanted to be. I didn't understand why she was better than me.
I still don't understand why, but it doesn't matter anymore. Because now, he told me he wants to get a bit more serious with me.
This is what I wanted all along. Or what I thought I wanted.
I'm his alternative. Girl #1 is not responding to his advances, so he goes to the next best thing.
The problem is that while he was trying to impress her and get her attention, I didn't sit and wait. I went and searched for someone who would make me their #1. Their first choice. I wanted to win the gold medal, for once.
And I found that.
I also found someone who I've connected more on an emotional level than a physical level. Someone who gets me even more than Guy #1.
Don't get me wrong, I still like Guy #2, but he doesn't understand me. We don't talk. He doesn't understand my humor. He likes me primarily for my looks. I tried really hard to get into his mind and figure him out, but he doesn't care about making deep connections with people.
Guy #4 is as close to perfect as I've ever gotten, thus far. There is nothing personality-wise that I don't like about him.
I just want to talk to him all the time. There's so much to say. I've got this extreme appetite for conversation with him. We say things. We speak. It's amazing. There isn't any rush to do anything further, like sex, which would be very odd for me if it were anyone else. But I feel like it isn't necessary, not at all. It doesn't even cross my mind when we're speaking. It would seem like a waste of time, because we could be talking instead. I want to know everything. I want to devour everything he says , every single word, and have it inside of me and have it stay there forever.
And now whenever I talk to anyone else, it feels stupid and meaningless and empty. What's the point? We aren't saying anything.
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