Last night I had a horrible night out drinking, which is unfortunately becoming the norm for me.
There have been four times now that I've gone out with friends and made a complete fool of myself and blacked out.
One was in NJ with two of my classmates, where I ended up throwing up and laying down on a dirty bathroom floor and then falling asleep at an IHOP.
Two was in the Bronx at a bar and grill with my best friend and three other people that I never met up until that point, and I started aggressively making out with one of the girls we were with the entire night. The next morning I had no idea how I got home.
Three was on my birthday in April: Me and my three close friends started pregaming at my house before we went out, and this began at around 3pm. By 6pm I was blacked out, and the rest of the story is just what my friends told me. We went to the same bar and grill from above and as soon as we got there I threw up in the bathroom and laid down on the floor. After an hour or so of some kind strangers helping me get up, I went back to our booth and started sobbing for no reason. They had to take me home in a cab and since it was only 10pm they went back.
This one happened last night, and it might be the worst one because I went out with my coworkers to see my manager's band play. It was in Williamsburg which is pretty far from where I live and I should've thought about this before I started drinking.
I was perfectly fine after 3 drinks although I could tell I was really drunk. I was still functioning and we were getting ready to leave when my coworkers have the idea to get high before we left.
Before I go on with this story here's something very important about me that you should know:
I am ALWAYS anxious, and for this reason I never smoke weed because it makes me a hundred times worse than I already am. I have never had a good experience getting high, so I stay away from it whenever possible. In this situation however, I was so drunk that I was running on a "don't mind if i do" mentality. Who knows what I would've done if it was offered to me.
So we sat down on the sidewalk a few blocks away from the train station and they did their thing, and I took some pulls of two joints they had and at this point I began losing track of time and reality. There was one moment of consciousness when I had a clear though, which was, "uh oh...this isn't good..." and got the idea to fall asleep on my friend's leg. All I remember after that is them waking me up and as soon as I stood up everything felt like it was moving at 100mph. My vision was literally moving like I was on a motorcycle. I started to freak out and got really nauseous and ended up vomiting in the street and being completely incapable of moving. My friends tried to get me up but my body was just not responding to me. I have literally never felt the way I did last night, and at one point I wanted to tell them to call an ambulance because I thought I was going to die. It was fucking terrifying.
All I remember is everyone trying to talk to me and get a response out of me and me just...nothing. Not moving, not speaking, I couldn't even see. And these are COWORKERS, not close friends or people I'm never going to see again. I'm just so happy my manager had left by that point, because if I was her I would never be able to look at me the same way.
I woke up this morning in one of my coworker's bed, and I asked her if everyone was upset with me or if they were annoyed but it seems like everyone was just worried. Unless she's lying and doesn't want to hurt my feelings, in which case I don't think I'd want to know or I'd literally quit my job out of embarrassment.
I just can't believe how often this has happened to me relative to all my other friends. I have never seen any of my other friends get so drunk they threw up and blacked out.
I think my problem has its roots in anxiety, and how I can be perfectly fine one second and then the moment I have some sort of internal reflection where I realize, "Oh, I'm drunk...I'm talking funny and maybe people are laughing at me because they can tell I'm drunk...", I freak out and can't recover for the rest of the night. It's so embarrassing to wake up and not know what you did or said the night before because you were so fucked up. I'm really gonna have to watch my alcohol intake and make sure I'm not taking in more than my mind can handle.
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