Finally, there is clarity.

Sometimes we think that if we meet someone who is amazing that the only way you'll stop talking to each other is if something happens. Sometimes Nothing happens, and that's worse. But I've accepted that it's just something that happens and I am not upset about it at all.

One moment you're talking all the time, every opportunity you get, because you just get each other. The next moment you haven't bothered to say hi in two weeks. And the worst part is you don't mind.

People are always coming and going, and when someone new comes into your life you have to give someone else up. I don't believe this, or maybe I do, but that's just the way it happens. You spend your efforts on one person but when someone new comes along you spend less time thinking about that person.

That's kind of what has happened with Guy #1. If you can remember, I loved this guy. We had tons in common and had fun together whenever we hung out. I was even extremely upset when he told me he couldn't be more than friends. I was heartbroken. But I had a feeling it was for the best, and I was right. It's funny the way things work out.

I feel like I'm being kind of erratic because there are so many thoughts running through my mind.

Whenever I meet someone new that I really like, someone else becomes obsolete. But by accident.

Like I said, Nothing happens.

After a while, when you speak again, you realize you have nothing to say, really. You just talk about what you've been doing since you last spoke, which has no bearing on anything else. I fill you in on what's been happening with me, you do the same, and then what?

I don't want to make plans because it doesn't seem necessary anymore. We don't need to see each other regularly to maintain our relationship because it's transformed to something that used to be. Something full of good memories and fun times and I don't see the point in trying to recreate those moments anymore.

That's all everything is, isn't it? Trying to recreate good memories?

So while we say to each other, "Maybe we can watch more of this, we did that before and it was fun."

"Maybe we can go to that place you liked to eat at."

"Maybe we can go to a show, I said I'd take you to one."

We try to make it feel like old times, to start again where we left off, but it doesn't work that way.

Once Nothing happens, you realize how irrelevant we are, as two people talking to each other. There is no need.


Guy #4 is really growing on me. He is the reason for my indifference towards Guy #1. And Guy #3. Me and Guy #2 still talk to each other.

Guy #2 was someone that I wanted to constantly impress. I wanted him to be proud of me and think, "this girl is worth something." I got jealous when he spoke about his main interest because that's who I wanted to be. I didn't understand why she was better than me.

I still don't understand why, but it doesn't matter anymore. Because now, he told me he wants to get a bit more serious with me.
This is what I wanted all along. Or what I thought I wanted.

I'm his alternative. Girl #1 is not responding to his advances, so he goes to the next best thing.

The problem is that while he was trying to impress her and get her attention, I didn't sit and wait. I went and searched for someone who would make me their #1. Their first choice. I wanted to win the gold medal, for once.

And I found that.

I also found someone who I've connected more on an emotional level than a physical level. Someone who gets me even more than Guy #1.

Don't get me wrong, I still like Guy #2, but he doesn't understand me. We don't talk. He doesn't understand my humor. He likes me primarily for my looks. I tried really hard to get into his mind and figure him out, but he doesn't care about making deep connections with people.


Guy #4 is as close to perfect as I've ever gotten, thus far. There is nothing personality-wise that I don't like about him.

I just want to talk to him all the time. There's so much to say. I've got this extreme appetite for conversation with him. We say things. We speak. It's amazing. There isn't any rush to do anything further, like sex, which would be very odd for me if it were anyone else. But I feel like it isn't necessary, not at all. It doesn't even cross my mind when we're speaking. It would seem like a waste of time, because we could be talking instead. I want to know everything. I want to devour everything he says , every single word, and have it inside of me and have it stay there forever.

And now whenever I talk to anyone else, it feels stupid and meaningless and empty. What's the point? We aren't saying anything.

One of the sweetest guys I've ever met!

Okay so I met someone who's really awesome. Let's call him Guy #4. If I had a "type", this guy would be 100% it. He's tall, good looking, loves music, likes ALL the same shows I do, and finds my sense of humor hilarious, which is new. Usually people don't get my jokes -__-

Anyway, we met up recently and it was a lot of fun. We got some frozen yogurt and a giant cookie, and came back to my house to watch Doctor Who.

What I loved most about our "date" was that there was absolutely no mention of sex/anything sexual. Usually this is all guys want to talk about, and ask me personal questions. He didn't, which I found awesome. We got along SO well that we didn't need to go there. To be honest I felt completely comfortable with him and wouldn't have been angry with him if he did ask me anything, but I love the fact that he didn't. The only time we were really touching sort of intimately was when he put his arm over me while watching Doctor Who. We had a couple of innocent kisses when he was leaving, but other than that, we just talked and enjoyed each other's company.

He played guitar for me and I have to say, I am extremely impressed. He's better than anyone I know. He sang me "Kathy's Song" which is such a beautiful song and I didn't even have any words to express how awesome it was. In return I played him some of my favorite songs and he made me feel really talented about my voice, which I always thought was mediocre at best.

He left around 11 and we had to wait a really long time for the train. But it was a great day.

Earlier today he sent me some videos of himself playing "Kathy's Song" and I can't wait to show my friends at school. He's got such amazing eyes and he really knows how to work the camera with them hahaha.

But yeah, it's been such a good week.

What I Know For Sure (because everything else is confusing as fuck):

-I don't like being taken advantage of
-I don't like someone using my emotions to control me
-I don't like feeling not good enough
-I don't like trying to constantly impress someone because I don't feel good enough
-I don't like feeling like at any given moment, I will become meaningless
-I don't like to know that there's someone out there who's better than me and who you're just waiting for, and in the meantime killing time with me
-I don't like giving you the satisfaction of knowing you affect my emotions in ways I cannot control

-I like feeling trustworthy enough to share your feelings with
-I like being listened to when something is bothering me
-I like knowing I have an advantage over someone else

-I hate fighting for your attention
-I hate feeling like I'm in a race with other people and whoever gets to you first wins
-I hate feeling like an object used to keep you entertained when your main interest is ignoring you
-I hate the fact that I'm not doing what I promised myself I would
-I hate becoming attached to someone, especially when that person so carefully guarded and they know way too much about you

-I hate not knowing what you're thinking
-I hate feeling like I've fallen into your customary trap
-I hate feeling like you enjoy my distress
-I hate being able to tell you how I feel and you not telling me how you feel in return
-I hate feeling like you have ulterior motives

-I like being able to recognize when I'm getting too far deep into something and knowing to back up

-I hate feeling I'm in stuck in quicksand and even if I try to back up I might not be able to get out.

Update on Guy #2

Okay so this is in reference to my post recently about my personality being full of contradictions. Guy #2 was (and still is) a very confusing and complex person.

What I said before is still true, that sometimes I want to be a huge bitch but I also want to be sweet. I think I feel the need to impress him. He's said before he has low self esteem but I think very highly of him. He's smart, funny, and attractive.

I think he thinks all he's got going for him are his looks but that's definitely not true. Maybe he's just been looking in the wrong places.

Anyway, I admitted to him that I like him more than I let on, and he says, "you're so cute" a lot more frequently since then, which I find funny.

I'm not sure if he likes me too because he's pretty hard to read, but I'm kind of worried he might be enjoying this because he wants to have power over me. I think I'd like him more if it weren't for that.

I've started speaking to someone new and he doesn't seem to like it. This guy (let's call him guy #3) is extremely sweet and he promised to introduce me to SEAN LENNON.
I cannot deal.
Also, he really likes me and told me I'm his "dream girl". He seems like the kind of guy who would go to great lengths to keep a girl happy, which is so cute. He told me he wants to impress me which I thought was really sweet.
But yeah, Guy #2 called him lame haha and he calls him "the nice guy".

Earlier on he also said to me, "We don't have anything official but you're mine." He also said he's territorial, which explains his disdain for Guy #3.

Anyway, I just wish he was easier to read. I've started being more honest about my feelings towards him in hopes that he will do the same with me.


(Since when did this become a blog about my love life??? Whatever, it's the only interesting thing that's been happening to me so, sorry!)

I redyed my hair.

So I finally decided that having faded green hair and 3 inches of roots showing was not cute and that I should take advantage of spring break and redye it. The first time I dyed it it was supposed to be "aquamarine" but because my hair has red tones it came out green. I didn't mind because I got complimented on it but still. This time, my reasoning told me that if aquamarine makes my hair green, then blue must make it aquamarine, or at least close.

In pictures:

I kinda rushed through it because I was excited so the bleach basically got everywhere.

I didn't want to leave the bleach in too long and I couldn't find toner so my hair was an incredibly bright orange when I washed the bleach out.

This is after I dyed it and washed it out:

It's a bit uneven because I think I shampooed too vigorously but that can always be fixed later on.

So anyway, I blow-dried it and flat ironed and and this is the end result:

I don't know if you can tell, but it's a darker blue in the front and more greenish in the back. I don't really mind it, I think it looks cool having different shades of blue, but I think I'll have to redye it before school just so that it looks more even.

I'm just glad it wasn't disastrous like it was the first time I tried to bleach my hair.

My whole persona is just one big contradiction. (This is going to be a really personal, long, and annoying post)

Okay so I broke up with Jeff a while ago because I'm going through a period in my life where I really don't want to be tied down or attached . It was really tough for me to do because we've been together on and off for three years, but I came to realize it was more of a comfort thing than anything. He lives across the street, come on. Also, over the years we've branched off into different areas of interests, which becomes really evident when we compare what our favorite bands are today to the ones three years ago. But anyway, this isn't about him.

I like being able to have a relationship with someone where we act like a couple when we're together but at the end of the day we go our separate ways. I've met a couple of people who I can do that with. It's great until I get slapped in the face with reality.

For example, this one guy I met and I have SO much in common and we always have so much fun when we get together. I've stayed over at his place a few times and we never run out of things to talk about. He's introduced me to so many new TV shows, music, and food, which are my three basic obsessions. We first met under the pretense that we both wanted to have fun and just relax, nothing serious. I knew that, and I was okay with that. I mean, I still am. But I guess I never actively thought, "Okay nothing is going to happen between us, we're just two good friends who enjoy each other's company." Then one day we were delving a bit deep into how fond we are of each other and how much fun we have together and I guess he knew he should restate conditions from earlier in our friendship/relationship(?) and he said:

"I know we've spoken about this before, but I just want to make sure we're on the same page. I can't be more than a friend to you. I like you a lot and I feel like if I were younger or you were older that I'd be trying to put a ring on your finger and I appreciate that you've been understanding about that. I hope you aren't upset that I said that."

I even remember the exact moment I read that, I felt so crushed and shortly after confused about why I felt so crushed. I still don't fully understand why I was upset, but maybe it's just the fact that it was a giant slap in the face. It was said with so much certainty, so much conviction. I remember even calling my friends on the phone and asking them if they could explain it to me better, because I honestly had no idea what was going on with my emotions at the time.

The more I thought about it the more I repeated to myself, "Don't get attached, you're going to college soon. Do not get attached." Sometimes I debated with myself and wondered if it was a good idea to tell him how I felt. The problem with that is that my emotions are extreme, either I'm at 0 or 100. Most of the time when I almost told him, I took a step back and realized I was at 100 and therefore I was acting on my unstable emotions. When I go back to 0 I completely understand that it would be best for me to not say anything at all.

The second example is of a guy who blatantly does not want anything serious out of me, and I had no problems with that. I mean, that was the whole point of me breaking up with Jeff. There's a huge difference between guy #1 and guy #2, which makes me realize that my emotions are not behaving rationally at all. The first guy is understandable, I guess; we have tons in common and we can literally talk about anything. The second is a bit different in that right off the bat, we were flirting and making suggestive jokes and all that fun stuff. So there wasn't much of a friendship to build on to begin with. Most of our time is spent either flirting, making jokes about each other, or making jokes about other things/people. Sometimes he vents to me, which I like, but basically I don't know much about who he is.

Somehow I find it difficult to describe him compared to how easy it was to describe guy #1, so bear with me if I start to ramble.

I have a lot of fun with him, and he's really funny and super intelligent, which is basically all you need for me to be interested in you. Although we never really have deep meaningful conversations, I find myself dreading the end of our dates. He's interesting, but in a different way. I think it's because I never know what to expect from him. This isn't always a good thing, however. He tends to make jokes that really bother me and fortunately I have good self-control and willpower and can usually let things slide. Sometimes I get really mad at him, which always makes me feel discouraged. About what I'm not sure. I've got conflicting emotions and I get really angry at myself when I can't sort them out. Sometimes I feel like being a complete bitch yet I want to be sweet and caring. I don't understand it.

I've been trying to describe my feelings about him further but I literally cannot, so I'll just move on.

Anyway, I don't peg him as a guy who gets emotional about people easily, and I guess I'm right. So when he tells me about a particular girl he's really likes and I see how emotionally invested he is in her, I get another reality check. I don't even know how to feel really, because I'm not even his type, sort of. I usually like to be in control and people in my school even think I'm a lesbian because I'm so aggressive and so out of tune with the archetypal teenage girl within me. But this is where my personality clashes, because somehow I'm also a hopeless romantic. I literally dream about a guy coming in and sweeping me off my feet and making me mixed CD's and surprising me with romanticism randomly. Realistically, I know very few people would behave like the perfect gentleman, so I know better than to expect this from anyone.

I'm not really sure what else to say, I just got really inspired to write this in the midst of another one of my confusing emotional plot-twists. Basically, I'm confusing as hell and I don't know myself as well as I thought I did. I always start out looking for someone to have fun with and not have to deal with any sort of issues that couples encounter, but then I find myself inexplicably disappointed in the end. But I'm also not disappointed, because I never got anything I didn't ask for. I actively searched for these kinds of relationships and I never made any promises I didn't intend to keep or say anything I didn't mean.

I don't know how to end this because I could go on forever talking about myself, but here's an image to show how little sense things make to me:

It's kind of amazing to meet someone you have lots in common with.

I know that probably sounds super weird, because you can have things in common with almost anyone, but growing up in The Bronx and not fitting in with my hoodrat-wannabe-rapper counterparts, it's pretty rare for me.

Let's name a few of my favorite things, shall we? (Enter Julie Andrews here)
-Doctor Who
-Noah And The Whale
-BBC Sherlock
-Green hair dye
-Radiohead
-Reading cheesy chick-lit
-The Hunger Games
-The Smiths
-Crossword puzzles
-Sudoku puzzles
-Benedict Cumberbatch
-Staying home whenever I can and becoming emotionally attached to my laptop

Okay now let's compare my list to the hypothetical list of an average teen living in The Bronx:
-Lil' Wayne
-The Jersey Shore
-$200 sneakers
-Urban novels sold on Fordham Road for $5
-Drake
-Saying "YOLO" and genuinely finding it a deep and meaningful acronym to live by
-Spending a year's worth of allowance on one item from Polo Ralph Lauren
-Seeing authority figures as imminent threats and trying to fight them
-Stealing other people's $200 sneakers and Polo Ralph Lauren clothing
-Purposely misspelling words and using q's in place of g's (ex: ii luv drake ma niqqa)

Okay, I think you get my point. Living with these kinds of people my entire life, it's a pretty big deal to meet someone who likes basically everything I like. That's why I'm so excited to go away for college in the fall, I can't wait to get out of this terrible borough and not worry about getting shot if I'm outside after 6 PM.

Being a hopeless romantic sucks when you're also self-seeking and vain.

I just watched the movie Something Borrowed which is actually a terrible movie. I hate how in most chick flicks the protagonist is always super passive-aggressive and is never upfront about what she wants. The entire movie was based around the idea that TWO passive-aggressive people are being dishonest about their feelings to each other and the entire time I'm thinking, "Stop with the bullshit and DO SOMETHING."

But anyway, that isn't what this post is about.

Every time I see John Krasinski in a movie or on tv he always plays the romantic, humble, caring, level-headed and rational guy. And he's super good looking, which doesn't help.

So when I see these characters I get so infatuated with the idea of someone treating me the way he treats the girl he loves. I'm like, "I wish I could find someone who will make me the center of their world and do anything to make me happy." All girls say this. They love the idea of love and the idea of the archetypal Prince Charming coming to treat them like princesses and devote himself to her.

Here's the problem, or my problem: I'm also really selfish and vain.

Every time I meet someone I'm super picky and even one little detail about them can turn me off completely. If there's something about their appearance I don't like, I can't unsee it and it's all I think about. If they don't even type as well as I'd like them to, I stop talking to them. And as terrible as it sounds, if I don't think we look aesthetically pleasing together I lose my interest quickly. Hell, I've stopped talking to a guy because he tried to make a joke that fell flat.

Essentially, one wrong move and I'm over it.

I've got these incredibly high standards because when I think of the perfect guy, he has to be perfect in every single way. It's not even because I'm stuck-up or I think I'm better than everyone else, it's just that I've come to expect these declarations of love and bouquets of roses and someone standing with a boombox outside my window. And those things just don't happen as often as we'd like.

(Pssst, to any guys reading this: I really wouldn't mind these things, don't hesitate!!)

I've met plenty of guys who have been romantic and sweet and nice and caring, but I let superficial things get in the way. It's like I'm convinced someday I will find my Jim Halpert or my Noah Calhoun or my Henry DeTamble or most of all, because I'm a huge Doctor Who nerd, my Rory Williams. They're all I want in a guy and they're also attractive.

So basically what I'm saying is that sometimes we complain about how there's no one out there for us and that great people don't exist when they actually do, it's just that we expect them to be perfect. Perfect looks, perfect body, perfect manners, perfect personality, I mean, I could go on forever.

Fortunately I'm one of the rare few who is aware of this and I can teach myself to look past it. Instead of expecting a fairy-tale character I'm learning to be a realist. You won't be happy with someone because they're perfect, you'll be happy with them because the good outweighs the bad and you accept them for who they are, flaws and all.

Wow, this post just turned into a cliche-fest.

I'll quit while I'm ahead.

So many dumb people.

A few days ago my AP English teacher was telling us that being ignorant is better than ignoring something, because ignorance is something you can't help, because you don't know; actively ignoring something means you do know it's there, but you choose to ignore it.
I kept thinking about this because I was wondering whether my peers were ignorant or just ignoring things purposely. I've decided on the latter.

In The Handmaid's Tale, the main character alludes to the fact that we are all slowly boiling, and by the time we notice it'll be too late and we'll be boiled to death.

The people in my school (hell, even some adults) don't care about anything that directly affects their little circle of comfort.

This wouldn't bother me more than usual if it weren't for the fact that my classmates turn 18 this year, and thus will be able to vote.

It seems as though every time me and my friend mention any of the Republicans, someone says, "Who is that?" Just typing that makes me angry. DO YOU WATCH THE NEWS??? THESE CRAZY REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES HAVE BEEN TOP STORIES SO MANY TIMES BECAUSE OF THE RIDICULOUS THINGS THEY SAY.

I've heard so many of my classmates say, "I don't care about them."


DO YOU IDIOTS NOT REALIZE THAT ONE OF THESE NUTJOBS COULD BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES??

And maybe you're thinking, "Well at least you'll vote and you aren't dumb."

Well unfortunately I CANNOT vote because I am not a citizen. The irony here is that I know more about how the United States works than most of my peers. I'd even go as far as to say most of my entire 6-12 grade school. I could probably pass a citizenship test easier than they could, and they were born here.

So now maybe you're thinking, "Well, why don't you just take the citizenship test?"

Unfortunately, even though I was born in April, I don't legally turn 18 until August. It takes a few months to become a citizen, so I might not make it in time. Of course I'm going to do it anyway and hope for the best, though.

*This has been a rushed and unorganized blog post*

Doubts

So earlier today, my friend Gil and I, who are both atheists, were discussing religion and what makes some religious people break out of their religion and go wild and not others. We were using some of our close Christian friends as examples, especially my best friend Desteny, and trying to distinguish between the different kinds of Christians. Desteny is a "doubter".

These kinds of Christians usually grow up with religion all around them, whether it may be their family, school, or community. Their religion is all they know. Once they're removed from a religious environment, they're curious as to what else is there, which is understandable.
Desteny has always been religious ever since I met her in the sixth grade. She was very open about her religion and the fact that she was dating her pastor's son. In the sixth grade I knew I didn't believe in god, but I thought that along with being gay, it was just one of those things you don't share publicly. When she asked me about my beliefs (or lack thereof) I would stay neutral and not give any opinion. This led to her trying to incorporate me into her church and telling me all the great things she did with her fellow Christian youth.
Over the years, as I've embraced my atheism more and more, I've started to become a huge defender of science, women's rights, gay rights, and modern technology, which are usually being challenged by religious groups. (What a suprise!) I am now a senior in high school and I also have become best friends with another atheist, Gil. By pure coincidence (or maybe not), we are also regarded as being two of the smartest students at school. We seem to know much more about politics and world news than most of our peers do, due to the fact that we have to work twice as hard as religious students do to back up our beliefs. We can't simply quote from a thick, antiquated book to debate with other people; we have to go out there and research everything. I guess it makes sense that we are regarded as intelligent within our school, considering all the reading we do.
Anyway, my Christian friend, who is also my best friend along with Gil, seems to have started questioning the teachings of her church and organized religion in general. I'm sure she still believes in god, but she has started to understand why non-religious people fight against some of the things that are interpreted from the Bible. She has brought up some of her doubts to me many times, and I try my hardest not to say anything that is too anti-religion, for her sake. Along with the current Republican presidential candidates, many well-known religious public figures have been subject to criticism over their super-conservative, bordering-on-insane beliefs. All of the Republican nominees just so happen to be die-hard religious fanatics who want to turn America into more of a religiously-inclined country than it already is, making it unfair for anyone in America who isn't a Christian. These people are giving religion a bad name, and along with being close friends with two very opinionated atheists, my best friend is slowly starting to resent religion. Very recently she has started to have disagreements with her mother over going away for college because her mother thinks that if she goes too far, she'll lose her religion (Which is true...sorry). Now imagine what she must be thinking: "Has my mother been sheltering me from the real world because she knows that the Bible isn't strong enough to outsmart modern science/technology?" It's kind of hard for me to put it into words, but acknowledging the fact that she is the only reason her daughter is religious makes a bad defense as to why her daughter should stay at home. What happens when she gets her own apartment, or gets married, or has children?
All in all, the reason why my friend was so open about her religion and would preach to anyone who would listen in the sixth grade is because she had absolutely no doubt about anything that was being taught to her.

Why I Don't Mind Standardized Tests

First off, I know this is a controversial topic and almost all the people I've met are against standardized testing. However, I have noticed some possible reasons as to why people don't like standardized testing, especially in America. Of course, standardized testing does have a few issues (funding, tracking, etc), but in my opinion those issues can be resolved without removing standardized testing all together and I will not address those issues in this blog post.

This is my experience with standardized testing:

My whole life, I have done well in almost every standardized test I have taken. In New York, where you are required to take Regents in order to graduate, I have not failed a single Regents test I have taken. My critical reading score on the SAT's is a 620, which places me in the 99th percentile in my school and in the 84th percentile nationwide. The average critical reading score in my school is a 390, which is pretty much terrible (If the average score for each section is a 400 in my school, then the average CR + M score would be an 800 out of 1600, not too good).

I've always known I have a greater aptitude for learning than most of the kids in my grade. It has been repeated to me many times since the first grade, when my teacher suggested I skip a grade and go into third by the end of the year (I declined, my first grade mentality not knowing what "skipping a grade" really meant).

In middle school and high school, however, my mediocre grades were not matching my above-average test scores. The reason for this was that I did not always turn in my work on time, and I hated doing extensive school assignments like projects and at-home essays. If I turned them in at all, they were usually late. As of right now my GPA is a 3.0, which is perfectly average. If it wasn't for my SAT score, I would not have had any advantage over my classmates (or even any senior in the country) applying to college.

There are a few kids in my grade that are known as geniuses. Not because they've shown any genius-level work, but because they have near perfect GPAs. One of them even has a 99% average. (And yes, that's ALL four years combined!)

When we were all registering for the SATs, I was sure they would blow everyone out of the water. Near-perfect GPAs, near-perfect attendance, how could they not get an amazing score?

When the scores came back however, it turns out they did not do as I expected. For the most part, they got average scores although one of them got around a 1300 with all three parts combined, which is pretty low.

To be completely honest I was not surprised by my score. With all three parts combined I got a 1680 which was a little above average. I've always been an avid reader which has helped me build an extensive vocabulary. My math score was average, which I expected because although I learn math rules quickly, I forget them quickly as well.

When everyone learned that they did terribly on the SATs, they were quick to say, "The SATs are obviously unfair. How can I have a 90 average and score so low?"

Well I think I've figured it out.

For starters, some of the things you are graded on at school are participation, attendance, group work, whether or not you turn in your assignments on time, etc. Obviously these criteria are irrelevant when scoring the SATs, because they are only testing your knowledge in specific areas and not how friendly of a person you are or how many times you raise your hand within one class period. These criteria combined can contribute as much as 40 percent of your grade, so even if you are below grade level in a school subject you can still attain a decent grade if you just turn in your work, whether or not the answers are correct.

Also, the actual student work you are graded on is subjective to whatever you are learning in class. Therefore, it's not a reliable measure of intelligence. For example, if my teacher's method for one semester is giving out handouts and the students answering them and handing them in on time, you can easily get a 95% in that class. This doesn't mean you are smarter than the rest of your peers, it just means you turned in all your work and showed up to class.

So if you have perfect attendance, participate in class, do well on quizzes and hand in your work on time, you will most likely be an A student. When you tell people that your average is a 95%, they'll probably say, "Wow, you're really smart!" instead of, "Wow, you showed up to school, did all your schoolwork, and got graded accordingly!"


Doesn't really sound like something congratulatory now, does it?

The second reason why students score so low on the SATs is because the American public school education system is terrible. It's a well-known fact that private school students can vastly outperform public school students. There is simply not enough funding for public schools, and it is way too easy for ineffective teachers to keep their jobs at public schools (I know this for a fact). In terms of education, America ranks 25th out of 30 developed nations in math, arguably the most important school subject you need to learn in order to get the most important jobs in this country. There are all sorts of problems when it comes to our public education. So when you've got the SATs, which is a test taken by public and private school students, it becomes easier to see how little we really know.

Many people say that the reason they did so badly on the SATs is because they are just not good test takers, or they were nervous, or something along those lines. I think they don't realize that being a great student and scoring low SAT scores are not mutually exclusive. We have been conditioned to think that the higher you average is, the more intelligent you are, but this is not always the case. My best friend Gil scored the highest critical reading score in my school with a 660, which places him in the 91st percentile nationwide. His GPA is a 2.7.
Surprising, huh?

I personally don't mind standardized tests when it comes to showing how knowledgeable you are in math, reading, and writing. However, just because someone scores low on the SATs doesn't mean they are stupid and it is not entirely their fault. The first finger I'd point would be towards America's inadequate public school system and the sub-par education we recieve. Everyone is capable of getting a good education, we just haven't been given the opportunity.

I have never been so offended in my life

So a few months ago I added a few random people on Facebook that I found on a Castleville forum (I was going through a flash-based-game addiction). Among these new friends was a woman named Kirsten, who lives somewhere in the South (naturally).

A few days ago she posted a status saying something along the lines of, "When I first said I hated Obama everyone thought I was racist. It's funny how now when I say I hate Obama, everyone else does, too." Then one of her other middle aged white woman friends commented and they started having a conversation about Obama, and they were being pretty racist, albeit unintentionally. They were basically saying that he only supports the Hispanics and Blacks and how it is unfair that he supports immigration. (And I should note, these women only think Mexicans are immigrants)

I was pretty mad about it but I chalked it up to ignorance and let it go.

Then this morning she shared a poster on Facebook that said something along the lines of:
"What we expect in 2012:
-Obama: GONE
-Immigration: GONE
-Benefits for non-citizens: GONE
-Language: ENGLISH ONLY"
(There was probably more but I can't remember them all)

I was extremely offended by this. I started to feel really angry and I decided to unfriend her, while thinking evil thoughts about her in my head. After I unfriended her I went to run some errands, and I thought I would forget about the stupid poster. But as the minutes went by, I got angrier and I felt like a dark cloud was hanging above my head.

When I'm angry about something, I tend to recite fake letters in my head of what I would've said to the person who made me angry. Usually I would be dramatic in writing someone an actual letter about why they angered me, but it seemed appropriate this time. I realized that I would not feel at ease with my life until I educated this incredibly ignorant woman.

When I got home I went straight to the computer to give this woman a piece of my mind, but I COULDN'T FIND HER. I looked for her for probably 20 minutes and it's like she disappeared off the face of the earth. Then I realized that her page was probably still in my history from this morning, so I found her through there. Unfortunately, her page is extremely private and considering I unfriended her, I couldn't contact her in any way without re-adding her (That's not gonna happen).

I accepted my fate. I had no choice but to forget about this entire situation. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that. It's now 9:33 PM and I'm still thinking about it. So obviously, I've got to let it out somehow.

So here's me replying to this woman on a blog she's probably never going to come across:

I am an immigrant. I came here from the Dominican Republic when I was 1 and a half years old. Yeah, that's right Kirsten, NOT Mexico. I've lived here basically my whole life; I know nothing else. I consider myself American, citizenship or not. My mom brought me here, to a country she knew NOTHING about, knowing she could never fully learn the language, knowing she would never feel 100% comfortable in, so that I could have better opportunities. I'm proud to admit that I got the highest combined SAT score in my school, and have gotten accepted to 5 colleges already and it's not even February. I know what you're thinking, Kirsten: "A smart immigrant??? Impossible!"

So yes, I think I've made my mother proud. I've accomplished what she came here for. And you know what I'm going to do with all these opportunities I have? I'm going to become a public school teacher.

A public school teacher in a screwed-up-beyond-belief public school system? A public school teacher who is going to get paid a quarter of what teachers should be paid? Yes, so that I can teach children not to be as narrow-minded and discriminatory as you.

Speaking of opportunities, someone who is bilingual is more likely to get a job than someone who only speaks English. You know why? Because America is DIVERSE. People from all over the world come here because they know that it's okay to be who you are in America.

Oh wait, apparently not, because Kirsten over here thinks America should only be accepting of Whites and exclude everyone else. The real irony is that America was founded on immigration. Kirsten's ancestors were most likely from Europe somewhere, so is she suggesting that they should have stayed there?

Without immigrants from other countries, you probably wouldn't have fireworks that you ironically use on the Fourth of July. You wouldn't have peanut butter that you use on the now-very-American peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You probably wouldn't have Chinese food restaurants, Italian food restaurants, etc. which I'm pretty sure you have eaten sometime in your super American life.

Here are some facts:

-U.S. natives gain an estimated $37 billion a year from immigrants’ participation in the U.S. economy, according to the President’s Council of Economic Advisors.
-One in every four doctors in the U.S. is foreign born, as well as one in three computer software engineers and more than 42 percent of medical scientists.
-Latin American immigrants in South Florida have helped to make the area a leader in attracting foreign direct investment, particularly international banking.
-In the Chicago metropolitan area alone, undocumented immigrants spend $2.89 billion on goods and services, creating an additional 31,908 jobs in the local economy.

Oh I'm sorry Kirsten, do you want us all to go back to where we came from? Your precious country would lose jobs, doctors, businesspeople, and billions of dollars each year. I recommend that you stop being a racist discriminatory bitch and go back to school for something other than "criminal justice" EIGHT years after you graduated high school.

My Problem With The Oh-So-Popular Baby Name Nevaeh

A few years ago, the name Nevaeh barely existed. To this day, I don't know a single person above the age of 4 who is named Nevaeh. Then, out of nowhere, this name became one of the most popular and unoriginal names ever.

And it's never classy, respectable people who name their child this, I've noticed. One of my first encounters with the name "Nevaeh" was on 16 & Pregnant, so that already tells you a lot.

You know a name is bad when its redeeming quality is being able to say, "It's heaven spelled backwards."

It's like the parent wants people to look at them with admiration and say, "Wow that's extremely clever! I wish I was clever enough to come up with something like that! A religious term SPELLED BACKWARDS? call an ambulance, I think I'm going to pass out from all the cleverness I've been subjected to!"

I just don't get it. Why backwards? Why couldn't you just name your child Heaven? You just HAD to spell it backwards?

And what's with the pronounciation? Most people who name their child Nevaeh pronounce it "Ne-VAH-Y-uh". This doesn't make any sense. If anything, "Nevaeh" is pronounced "Ne-VAY-eh", which sounds equally as dumb.

In short, this name is not cute, and it's sure as hell not clever. It's tacky and unoriginal.